Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
