Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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