I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
