Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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