thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't notice because vodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
