True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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