Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
