Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
