My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
