the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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