She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
