so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
