worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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