Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
