just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
