He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
