I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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