the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
