First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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