I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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