I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Randomize
