its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
