I murdered the dance floor call the cops
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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