You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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