I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
false alarm. still invincible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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