On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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