oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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