Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
