can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
