if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
