he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
