he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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