there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
