How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
