so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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