Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
