I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
