You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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