Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
