I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
