i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
