there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im part way to drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
