Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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