I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
