I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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