exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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