pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
