I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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