Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
