You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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