If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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