Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
