This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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