i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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