Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
