Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
